My Very Own Lifetime Movie

Income is a Good Thing!

2012-01-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

Totally wish that I could say Rick had his old job back, but not so much. Still, I'm very, VERY happy that Rick got a job delivering pizzas. The last of the money we've been receiving from vacation pay comes in this Friday and then nothing until we get word about him returning to work, so this was a much needed blessing! So remember to tip big when you see Ricky coming to your door with your order!!

Everyone Look Out!

2012-01-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

It's kind of been a long month. Rick has been furloughed since about Christmas time which means that while he technically still has a job, he doesn't need to go to and he won't get paid for it. We both started school and today in class my teacher actually used the phrase "Shit's gonna hit the fan" when referring to our list of tasks that need completing this semester. Back to the job thing...no job means no income. Luckily our church is helping a lot and Rick had some vacation saved up, but trust me, it doesn't go far.

Why am I telling the blogging world this? Who knows. I hate when people say, "This is my journal so I'm gonna say what I want." I guess I figure this is my reality, so why hide it? On the plus side, in the five weeks that Rick has been at home we've only had one little fight and I wouldn't even call it that...more like an ignoring session.

So to sum up, Rick has no job, two semesters of anatomy at once is going to fry my brain, church food is good - except when they only send us one thing of cheese instead of the two we requested, and I like Rick...mostly.

Squamous, Cuboidal...What's the Difference?

2012-01-18T19:47:00.001-07:00

Do you know what this is? I do. It's simple squamous epithelium. Are you impressed? Me too, because seriously, I thought last semester I was crazy for going back to school, but this semester takes the cake. I am trying to get into nursing school in the fall, but the only way to do that is to have both Bio 201 and 202 (Anatomy and Physiology) done by the end of the spring. And how do you do that seeing as each class is a semester long and you need 201 before you can take 202? Well, I'll tell you. In a brief moment of hysteria you sign up to take each 16 week course in eight weeks and hope for the best. AGH! I have two, yes TWO, tests next week, just two weeks into the semester - a lab test where I need to identify way too many tissues and a test on Chapters 1-4. Good thing Rick is on furlough so he can hang with Tatiana and Aren while I move into the library.

Seven Years

2012-01-03T06:53:00.000-07:00

It's been seven years since Lily died. Seven years. That's a long time. I did a paper for my developmental psychology class this semester on the gender differences in the grieving process of parents who have lost a child and it was painful to do. Studies have been done that suggest even five years after the passing of a child, parents still think of them on a daily basis. I should have been in that study.

I think about Lily as I drive down the street and see the park where she played. I think about Lily when we go to Target and Tatiana begs to look at the shoes just one more time. I think about Lily when I go to church and see a little girl wearing the same Christmas dress I bought for her just a month before she died. I think about Lily every time I wake up and see her picture hanging on the wall, constantly taunting me because it will never change. I think about her every time I come to the intersection of Foothills and Hwy 92 and see Hatfield's - the mortuary where we picked out her casket. The director suggested a cradle, but I refused. Lily insisted on a bed instead of a crib the last time she was in the hospital because she told me that she was a big girl.

I think about Lily when I hear people talking of forever families and in my heart I listen for that small voice to whisper that it's true. That she is mine forever and I will see her again.

Halloween!

2011-11-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

I can't be a mommy blogger without having pictures of kids in their Halloween costumes...pretty sure it's a rule somewhere, so here you are. My amazing children that are totally cuter than yours and can do no wrong. Well, here are my cuter than your kids anyway.

Tatiana Ballerina - apparently she also needed a sword to complete the outfit. Fine.


Aren was Link from Zelda. I made this stupid costume because online stores wanted like $70! Um, no.

Fruits of their labors. I appreciate all their hard work :)

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

2011-10-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm a sap. Tears are pouring down my cheeks as I write this post. This week my mom and Bill are signing papers and officially selling the house on Shaw Avenue. This is no ordinary house. This is the house my family lived in for almost 35 years. This is the house where we rode mattresses down the stairs, jumped on the trampoline, played "adventure" in the backyard. This is the house where wedding open houses took place, grandchildren came to live, where cars literally blew up in the driveway. This is the house where friends snuck into the basement while parents slept upstairs, where when Emma was a little kid and told everyone that mom said she was pretty after putting on lipstick and Don told her she was still ugly and she collapsed on the ground in tears. This is the house that has been toilet papered so many times neighbors could only imagine the type of family that lived there.

Deer on Shaw Avenue

Fall on Shaw Avenue

Christmas on Shaw Avenue

New Year's Puzzles on Shaw Avenue

Spring on Shaw Avenue

Winter on Shaw Avenue

I love Maryland. I love everything about it, and having mom and Bill leave to move out west is so exciting and painful at the same time. I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to live there, to grow there. I will miss it and even though my bedroom belongs to someone else, I will always call 218 Shaw Avenue home.

A Conversation With Tatiana

2011-10-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

Me: Sweetie, I am so tired of you not obeying! You need to obey.
Tatiana: I don't like to obey.
Me: Do you even know what obey means?
Tatiana: No.
Me: It means you need to listen to mommy and do what she tells you to do.
Tatiana: Hmmm. I think I need some lessons in that.

Crafts All Around!

2011-10-05T06:50:00.002-07:00

So, I found out that our RS hadn't planned any home decor projects for Super Saturday and that was completely unacceptable so I made it my mission to find simple, easy to do activities. Thanks to google and THIS awesome blog, I made this last night. I'm soooooo excited about it! I have a few other projects that aren't quite finished yet but as soon as they're done, I'll post!

Thoughts on Conference

2011-10-02T16:34:00.001-07:00

So this weekend, like every other first weekend in October was General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Usually I try and watch all four sessions, but this time it didn't quite work out that way because of prior commitments, i.e. football games ;) However, I was not disappointed with the things I was taught, not by the leaders themselves, but by the promptings of a loving Heavenly Father who knows my needs and my desires.

Experiences over the past few weeks have led me to not necessarily question my testimony, but wonder if it was "good" enough - if I had somehow missed something over the years and I was getting it wrong. As I watched each apostle get up and speak, I was reminded how different each one was - different in their experiences, their political views, their opinions - and yet they still have a testimony of the Savior and His church. It doesn't matter if my experiences have led me to vote differently, believe differently, to interpret differently. My testimony is mine and just because it's not the same as another, it does not make it any less valid nor does it mean that I need to look inwardly and figure out how to make it match. It is mine and it is sacred.

Back to School!

2011-08-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the kids are back in school. Aren is in sixth grade - whoever thought he would make it this far! - and Tatiana has started pre-school and she loves it. But more importantly, I decided to go back to school this year. Am I nuts? Probably.

I've been thinking for a long time about doing this but I always came up with an excuse. I even decided to have Tatiana, among other reasons, to put off having to go to school. I know, right? But after talking with Rick we decided it was a good time to start and away I went filling out papers for financial aid and picking my classes. I was nervous, but nothing prepared me for Sunday, the day before classes started. Now, I've never had a mental breakdown before, but I'm sure I came pretty close. I cried, bawled really, all day long. I had somehow gotten into my mind that school is not for 36 year old women with children at home and that professors who teach want nothing more than to fail you. I drank Monster drinks all day long instead of water and my poor kids barely talked to me for fear of death. I fell asleep scared and uncertain of what the next day would bring and woke up worse than before, if that was even possible.

But guess what. I LOVE school! Oh sure, I'm the oldest by far in my two classes, but after reading a syllabus that stressed the importance of knowing the difference between to/too/two, there/their/they're, and your/you're when sending e-mails and writing out y-o-u instead of "u" I figured I'd be ok.

Rag Quilts

2011-07-11T21:26:00.002-07:00

So, I have a very bad habit of learning about something, listening to a song, reading a book, whatever it may be, and if I REALLY like it, it's all I'll focus on for a while. I listened to nothing but Neon Trees for like two weeks before Frank Sinatra came in and stole the show. This week it's been rag quilts. My sister showed me how to do them when I was in Utah and now I can't stop. I've had a few requests for a tutorial of sort, so here goes. Please remember I'm not a sewer, I just do what I've been told. So take a stiff drink and let's get started.

The first question you'll what to know the answer to is, "How much material do I need?" Answer? I have no clue. I just buy material and make squares and when I'm out, the quilt is done. I'm sure there's a science to it somewhere, but I have no idea. Start small and buy flannel. You can use other cotton materials, but flannel works the best, so start there. Let's say for this pattern buy about one yard of a patterned flannel and two yards of a solid flannel. You'll need twice as many solid squares as patterned squares. Also, here are some materials you'll need - the blue thing is to measure your squares and to cut the squares so you don't ruin your table. The yellow thing is a rotary cutter, I think, and the circle part is a mother load blade that cuts through material like butter, and the clear thing helps to keep the material in place while you're cutting. You can get all these things at Walmart...or if you don't want to invest until you're sure you can do this, borrow them from a friend like I did.


Measure the material to make 6x6 inch squares. Remember, you'll need twice as many solid as patterned squares.


You should have a hella lotta squares.

Before you begin sewing, it's important to lay out your pattern. This becomes more important if you're adding more than one pattern and want it to be random, but it's a good habit to get into. For this blanket I did seven squares by seven squares and just alternated the pattern.

Next, gather each square, starting at the left hand side and place each square ON TOP of the next one until you've gone down the line, then starting at the top, add each group ON TOP of the one below it. This will form the top of the blanket. For this blanket, the back is all the same color, but if you wanted to do a pattern on the back you would do the same thing and then make sure you remember, or mark, which squares are the front, and which ones are the back.

Ok, it's time to get going. When putting the blanket together you will put a front square facing down, followed by two back side squares and finally a front square facing up...does that make sense? The gist, as seen in the picture, is to have the front of your blanket facing upwards and pinned together so there will be about a quarter of an inch of material sticking up. I told you I'm not a sewer. Pin the material on either side and then sew with a straight stitch, leaving, like I said, about a quarter inch. When you're done, it should look like this...

Flip this piece over and add a back square and then a front square, front side up, pin it, and sew it again the exact same way. Continue doing it until you have all seven squares sewn together like this...

Now you're going to start all over again with the next row. Remember, if you're pattern for line one was solid, pattern, solid, then the next line should be pattern, solid, pattern. I know you probably know this, but I'm not that smart ;)

Now it's time to sew these two rows together. This picture is kind of blurry, but you need to pin the seams together, making sure the back sides of the rows are touching each other. Push the seems together and then get your push pins and pin each 1/4 inch strip down - two on the left and two on the right, like this...

Does that make sense? Do the same thing along the entire row...it should look like this when you're done pinning...

Now you want to sew leaving again, about 1/4 inch of material on the side. When you're done it should look like this...

Continue doing this with the next five rows...sew each square into a row of seven, then attach that row of seven to the blanket. When it's all done this is what it should look like...

Next you need to sew around the edges, again 1/4 inch around the ENTIRE blanket. The corners should cross like this...

Finally all the sewing is done! Now comes the REALLY annoying part. You need to cut all those damned edges and it's annoying...and takes forever. Make sure you have good scissors. Yours may or may not be able to cut through four layers of flannel. If it can't, just cut through two, and then two again. You'll want to go almost to the stitching, like this...

...

...and the cuts should be about this close together...

Do this to every edge of the blanket and I mean every edge of the blanket until it's all cut and looks like this...

Now you need to throw it in the washing machine, by itself because flannel sheds like no other, and throw it in the dryer. When it comes out it will look like you totally know how to sew!

You totally just made a rag quilt and now everyone will think you're totally amazing! It's pretty easy, huh? I know my instructions may not be very clear, so call me, if you're lucky enough to have my number, or post your questions and I'll answer and if I can't, well, then I'll ignore you until you go away. Happy rag quilting!

My Mother's Daughter

2011-07-06T17:45:00.000-07:00

You know what sentence I hate more than, "Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?" It's, "Mom, there's nothing to eat!" I now know why my mom would have to put her hands in her pocket every time one of the seven of us said this. She probably wanted to smack to us to kingdom come. But amazingly she always found something for us to eat. Sometimes what she found was magical and I was in awe that she was able to make something so yummy with the "nothing" she found in the cupboards. Other times, well, let's just say that sweet and sour chicken made with apple cider vinegar is NOT magical and ends with a cussing mother and McDonald's thirty minutes later.

Today, I am proud to say I have acquired "amazing mom status" as I was able to make a completely yummy dinner out of the nothing that was staring at me from the cupboards. Two days away from payday is always tricky because obvious meals are sometimes sparse and there's no money for dining out, but tonight I found chicken in the freezer, and tucked away in the farthest reaches of the pantry were the ingredients for taco soup and corn bread. Who cares that it's ninety freaking degrees outside and the family broke a sweat while eating. The fact is, I, MaryBeth, Linda Dillingham Navarro's daughter, am amazing.

Just don't ask what's for dinner tomorrow night because I'm pretty sure there's nothing to eat in the cupboards.

Going Red

2011-06-26T07:05:00.000-07:00


Our almost finished computer area.

So we've lived in this house for two years, and for just about that long I've had little paint spots all over my bedroom walls. Not because that's how it was when I got here, no, I did it all by myself. You see, I was trying to pick out the perfect bedroom color. I kind of had my heart set on an orangey brown color, but over the years my desire switched to red. So finally, after two years of searching, I found the perfect color. So far, we've just painted one wall and now the decision to keep it at just one wall or go balls out. I guess we'll see what the next two years bring.


What do you think? Just the one wall or should we do them all?

Ballet Recitals and Talent Shows

2011-05-23T18:49:00.000-07:00


Sailor Tatiana

Tatiana had her first ballet/tap recital this past weekend. $200 in lessons, $30 sign up fee, $40 recital fee, and $60 for a costume all resulted in a total of about six minutes of performance time and I must admit, she did amazing. She was so stinking cute and loved showing every person her mad skillz. Still not sure if this is her passion, she's three for crying out loud, but she sure can work it on the stage.

Proud daddy

Aren also preformed this week. He got a bee in his bonnet this year and just HAD to perform in the school talent show. I admit, I was a little worried about the whole thing, after all, he decided that the best song to sing was In the End by Linkin Park. Yup. Seriously. Concern went out the door after the first performance by a kid who sang It's My Life by Bon Jovi. The kid had a speech issue so the first line sound a little like, "Dis ain a saung for da bwoken harted". I knew we were safe. He did great...

Plan B

2011-05-04T19:07:00.001-07:00

I guess if I could describe my life in two words it would just that...Plan B. Very few events go according to my plans. I guess most people could say that, but my life seems a little more so. Like most little girls, I dreamed of getting married and seeing my daddy so happy for my choice in a rich and totally hot man. My dad died when I was eleven and Rick hardly had any money. I guess I went with Plan A- on that one because, damn he's hot.

Last September I began running because a sister asked me to run a 5k with her at Thanksgiving. I thought she was a whack job, but I trained anyways and before I knew it I could run 3.1 miles without dry-heaving or vomiting! I actually enjoyed running...alot. I promptly downloaded the Bridge to 10k program and started on that and by February I wasn't quite at a 10k, but I could run five miles on a regular basis. I set my eyes on a half-marathon the middle of June in Provo, UT and began my training.

After about week five I noticed a pain in my heel and within a week I couldn't walk without alot of pain. I saw a podiatrist who gave me stretches and exercises and a magic boot to stretch out my heel and told me "this should help". Help it did not so two weeks later came the shot of cortisone, the miracle I was looking for. I was told to do nothing for three days and then take it easy. After a two mile run, then a three mile run three days later, I was once again in tears with the pain. Back to the doctor and another cortisone shot but this time I was told absolutely no running for two weeks. What does this mean? By the time this next two weeks is up, IF I can still run, I will have exactly four weeks to complete my goal of running a half marathon.

Enter Plan B. There is no way I can run the whole thing. No. Way. Am I crushed? Definitely. Am I devastated that I finally found something that I love that is good for me and now I can't even do it. Absolutely. Have I figured out a plan B? Yup. Here's hoping!

Lunch Date

2011-04-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

Aren was home from school today for Easter break and since the rest of the weekend consisted of cleaning up in the front and back yard, I decided to take the kids to McDonald's for cheap food and a date with daddy. Somehow chicken nuggets always taste better when you're hanging out with dad and watching ants work super hard.

Cortisone**

2011-04-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

Meet cortisone...my new best friend. Heel spurs SUCK! This has been the worst three weeks, well, not of my life, but it's pretty much been awful. I've run a total of three miles in the past three weeks and each run brought on pain in my foot that refused to go away without one week non-physical activity and copious amounts of Aleve. I went to my podiatrist today and she did an ultrasound of my heel to make sure that cortisone shots were necessary. She measured my inflammation, not sure what the measuring tool was, but she said a 2 was pretty normal, and she only did shots if the inflammation was at least a 4. What was mine?

8.2. That's right, more than double what her normal standard is. Yikes! Out came the needle and in it went and I yelled, "Mother Effer!" Really, mother effer. Seriously. I don't drop f-bombs. It hurt like a mofo. See? No f word. So far it's done exactly what the doctor said it would. A little tingling and burning and getting worse before it's getting better. Eight hours later and I'm already walking better than I have in weeks. I can't wait to see what the morning brings and she said I can be running by Monday. Glory be. This chubby girl will be running again. Life is good.

**Sorry to those of you who follow my "Chubby Gurl" blog. I've posted this exact same thing over there. I figured this deserved two posts ;)

Klassy

2011-04-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

This morning as Rick walked out the door to go to work he noticed a package on the carport with my name on it. He brought it in and this lil' gem was inside. I KNOW, RIGHT! Who doesn't want a wiggly hula girl on the dashboard of their car. Idiots, that's who. My car looks amazing and I don't even know who to thank because there was no return address or card or anything.

To the unknown hula giver, I thank you. My car thanks you. Today is a great day.

Happy Birthday Lily!

2011-03-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

Lily's birthday was yesterday and she would have been nine years old. Sigh. When she died we decided to have her buried in Utah seeing as we knew we would always have family there and we didn't know how long we would stay in AZ. The crappy part of that is the fact on days like her birthday and the anniversary of her death, or any other day for that matter, we can't just pop by and be with her.

Luckily I have amazing family. Lots of thanks to Emma and her family for remembering our Lily by placing some flowers and the perfect strawberry balloon on her grave. Happy birthday sweet girl!

Priorities

2011-03-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

Why is it that I can find a two hour block to get this done...

...but not this done...

If I made you feel better about yourself...you're welcome ;)

"I Was Running"

2011-03-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

Remember Forrest Gump? Remember that scene where Jenny tells him to, "Run, Forrest. Run!" and he takes off and his leg braces fall off and he was super speedy! Yeah, that was me this morning. Ok, well, not really, but I did get new running shoes on Saturday and I used them for the first time this morning and I felt fast. I'm running a half-marathon in June up in Utah and you can follow my progress, along with others running with me, HERE.

Run, MB! Run!

Remembering

2011-02-20T16:06:00.000-07:00

Mom and Dad - 1974

Today during Primary we had a member of the Stake Presidency come in and talk to the kids. He stood up and immediately began talking about his daughter who was the Primary president and how much he loved her and you could tell. His eyes lit up as he talked about his sweet Judy and how special she was to him. Without realizing it the tears poured down my cheeks. You see, this April will be 25 years since my dad died and normally it is what it is and I don't feel deprived not having had a father with me, but I found myself a little jealous of that relationship this morning.

I don't remember a lot about my father as I was only 11 when he died, but I do remember a few things. I have very clear memories of sitting on his lap during church and playing with his tie and I remember coloring pictures of him and I always had an arrow pointing to the top of his head with the words "Bald" written so there wouldn't be any mistaken thoughts that he did not have a lot of hair up on top. I remember walking into his room after he got home from delivering papers and crawling under the covers to just lay there while he read the newspaper, and I didn't dare move because he would kick me out - no wiggles. I remember going downtown to work with him during the summer and sharpening pencils with his electric sharpener and I will always remember him driving us to the Smithsonian to sing with the children's choir I was in and giving me a few dollars to give to the homeless guy on the corner, followed by the words that I was no better than that man and whenever I saw someone who asked for money, it was my responsibility to give it to them, whether I thought they needed it or not. I remember how he loved my mom and each of us. He had a talent and ability to make each of us feel like we were his favorite...I really was though ;)

I'm so thankful for the few years I had with this man and for the things he taught me. I look forward to the day when I can see that twinkle in his eye once again, as he introduces me to someone as his daughter. I miss him. Love you, dad.

Tatiana Ballerina

2011-02-12T14:23:00.000-07:00

Isn't she adorable! Tatiana started tap and ballet class today and she LOVED it. Unfortunately parents aren't allowed in the classroom during instruction time so I don't have any pictures to show, but know that my daughter was amazing! Ok, let's be honest. She's a three year old bouncing around, but hey.

So there you have it, Tatiana is reaping the benefits of potty training and I am reaping the benefits of a dang cute girl. And for any of locals that are interested, she's taking classes from Dance Fusion and it's a great deal at $50 for two classes a week and the $35 registration fee gets you ballet slippers AND tap shoes!

Build an Ark

2011-02-07T07:57:00.000-07:00

I'm a pretty lucky person when it comes to my job in the church. I get to teach ages 3-11 year old children music each week and I LOVE it. I love watching them try to "out sing" each other, coming up with new actions to memorize a song, just everything in general.

Sunday morning before church I was on lds.org and came across a song that I absolutely knew the children needed to learn. Click HERE for the sheet music and HERE to listen to it. If you're too lazy to click, here are the words...

Noah was a prophet, a man who did not fear.

When he taught repentance the people would not hear.

So the Lord told him to build a boat that could hold a ton and stay afloat.

Then Noah started building and said within his heart:

I will build an ark before it starts to rain.

I will follow the Lord and do all things in his name.

I'll prepare every needful thing. I will walk in righteous ways.

When the rain starts to fall on me, I'll be ready for that day.

I can be like Noah. Yes, I can be prepared.

I can build my ark, and I'll find safe shelter there.

I can do the things I know are right. I can learn and pray with all my might.

And then when storm clouds come, I'll be safe within my ark.

I will build my ark before it starts to rain.

I will follow the prophet, for he speaks in God's name.

I'll prepare every needful thing. I will walk in righteous ways.

When the rain starts to fall on me, I'll be ready for that day.

I've been concentrating on these words all day and couldn't help but look back on my life and the building of my own ark. I was blessed with parents who loved me and leaders and friends who helped prepare my ark for my own floods, and there have been many. I am humbled as I think about helping my own children prepare their own arks for their rains and hope and pray that I can do as the Lord has asked me and be an example to them.

Still Going

2011-01-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

Last September I declared that I was going to run a 5k in November and I reported back on that successfully. Well, I thought I would let the blogging world know that I am continuing in my endeavors and am still going strong. I am currently in the middle of week 4 of Bridge to 10K which helps you to run for 60 minutes straight and I am proud to say that this morning I reached a personal distance goal - 4.52 miles!

If you're interested, I've started a new blog called Chubby Gurlz Running which you can access by clicking on the penguin picture on the side of my blog. It's just a blog documenting myself and three other of my self-proclaimed chubby friends as we try and reach our running goals, specifically our 1/2 marathon in June. I know, a half marathon? This should be interesting.

We Have Lift Off!!!

2011-01-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

Well, we have...drop down...most of the time. I'm officially announcing Tatiana's move into the "big girl" world. She now pees on the potty and with the exception of yesterday's excrement-palooza, she has done quite well with getting to the toilet. You might remember my last post on this where I was in tears over it. Don't remember? HERE you go.

Now, I know you all are wondering what amazing trick I used to bring about this might change of heart in my opinionated daughter. Well...no tricks. I just asked her about three days before Christmas, "Hey, freako who only does what she wants to, wanna pee on the potty?" She seriously stared at me for like thirty seconds, shrugged her shoulders and then said, "Ok." Wait, what? I grabbed/dragged her to the toilet and I'll be damned, she tinkled. I clapped and thought surely it was a fluke. About an hour later I asked, "Hey head strong child who only pees on the potty to get out of something like Sacrament meeting, wanna pee on the potty again?" Again, the stare, followed by, "Ok." What the hell?

And there you have it. We never looked back. Santa brought TinkerBell unders but Tatiana would only put them on after we called them her "big girl choneys". See, choneys is what we called her pull ups and apparently "panties" is too sissy and "unders" is what Aren wears, so yeah. Anyways, we have success.

Now I have to figure out how to pay for those damned ballet lessons she's been begging for for the past year.

Lily

2011-01-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

I wonder if she realizes
That the place where she now is
Is as much more rich
And full
As the place where I now am
Is paler
And emptier.

~ Rick Harper

Cookies

2010-12-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

I tried to play the role of good mom yesterday and let my kids decorate cookies. I didn't even decorate for them and then try to play it off like they did it themselves. Nope, they had free rain in the decoration department, as is evident with Tatiana's creation...

Masterpiece

2010-12-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

It's already been proven I am the master of all things crafty so check out Aren's birthday cake I made ALL. BY. MYSELF.

The best part? Aren walked by, stared at it for a minute and then said, "Awesome, Mom." I know. I know.

Creativity Strikes Again

2010-12-17T17:06:00.000-07:00

I've always been jealous of my friends with the cool family home evening charty thingys for their families. Well, my jealousy is no more. With the help of my more than crafty friend Brenda and my not so crafty friend Martha, I made this the other day. Boo-yah!

Gingerbread Houses

2010-12-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

Lots of families have gingerbread house traditions and ours in no different. I remember it started eleven years ago in a crusty basement in Provo, UT where my sister, Sarah, made homemade gingerbread and cut out all the pieces to exactness. We've kind of evolved since then and we buy the kits because they're much easier, but we still have a good time and love getting together. Although the making of the houses has evolved, the final product is still pretty much the same for me...you can't tell if it was done by an adult or a five year old!

The final products

Aren adding his roof and I helped because I have mad skilz.

Taryn is a little more exact in her abilities.

Me and my sister...sorry Kath. I promised to use the better pictures of you, but I lied. I'm selfish that way.

Courage

2010-12-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

I've never considered Aren to be a "special needs" kid. He's always just been Aren to me. But once a year I'm forced to realize that Aren is in fact "special" and needs to be treated as such in some instances in school. He has recently graduated from an IEP to a 504 for school and I was given a copy to look over and I cringed as I read this and other quotes, "He will require adaptations to the PE curriculum when he gets to middle school and high school, due to his orthopedic limitations. He is unable to extend his wrists actively or passively. His reaction time is delayed if a ball were to be thrown at him, his run is slow and choppy."

And then I cried as I read this line, "He is a courageous young man who is no longer afraid to take risks." Yeah, he is.

Christmas Lights!

2010-12-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

Today Rick put up the Christmas lights outside. He was pretty excited because I allowed him to switch to LED lights this year. They're a ~~little~~ lot more expensive but after last year's crazy electric bill I had to concede. Our budget didn't allow for lots of lights, but we'll add on as the years go by, but seriously, check out Tatiana wearing her sundress...in December.

"So What Did You Do Today?"

2010-11-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

This is what Rick will ask me when he calls home or walks in the door around 4:30 today, and he'll look around and think that the answer is nothing. Then I'll give him a mug filled with homemade hot chocolate and he won't care that he has to wear dirty socks tomorrow because this stuff is pretty yummy...and way too easy!

2 c. nonfat dry milk powder
3/4 c. sugar
1/2 c. Hershey's cocoa
1/2 c. powdered non-dairy creamer

Add 1/4 cup of mix to 3/4 cup of hot water and drink it up!!

Done and DONE!

2010-11-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

So, remember how two months ago I said I was going to run a 5k? You don't? Well, check it out HERE. Well guess, what...I did it! I convinced another sister and a sister-in-law to do it with me and along with my original crazy sister who had the idea, the four of us ran on Thanksgiving morning. What was supposed to be only 3.1 miles was actually 3.5 and we kicked it. I am actually loving it and have plans to run another 5k in about three weeks and then I start training for a 10k. Woohoo!!

Me, Emma, and Brieann

Emma, Kath (the instigator), and myself

Crossing the finish line

Tatiana waiting for us to finish and having her own little race

I Swear I'm Done

2010-11-19T06:59:00.000-07:00

I promise, this is the last creative thing I'll do for a while. Isn't this totally cute? I found the idea in the November 2010 Disney Family Fun Magazine and thought it would be a great idea for a Family Home Evening Lesson on giving thanks. I plan on either having the kids pick a fruit/vegetable and either tell something they're thankful for or have a scripture about gratitude to read. I'm pretty excited! Anyways, if you're looking for a fun activity, you can find the template HERE. And if you live in Sierra Vista and can't find the felt, get a good contact like my sister, EMMA to send you some of her leftovers from her project!

Color Me Creative!

2010-11-17T14:21:00.002-07:00

I don't know what's gotten into me lately, but I just have this overwhelming desire to create and change things. Not quite sure where it's all coming from, but I'm gonna ride this wave until it drops me off at the shore of all things lazy. Today's creation? A dress for Tatiana!

I'm not the best at sewing which is why I make friends with people who are.

Martha is so patient and she's got some mad sewing skillz,

so by combining her with me,

we were able to come up with this little diddy...

Not too shabby for my first try with someone watching me and reminding me not to sew the head hole closed!

Baptism

2010-11-15T06:18:00.002-07:00

Oh. My. Stars. I woke up this morning to find this amazing picture in my inbox sent from my number one trainer as a missionary. Jenson and I had a blast together. We were companions for five months and went through the toughest and best times together. And the best was this baptism of Lily and Aren, I sure did name my kids after them! From right to left - Mane (pronounced Ma-nay), who introduced them to the gospel, precious Lily, Jenson, baby me, and my dear Aren.

I remember everything about this day...picking up Lily and Aren to take them to the swimming pool for the baptism and bringing them flowers, Aren walking out of his tiny one bedroom apartment with flowers for us because he was so excited to be baptized, the bus ride, the baptism and confirmation, walking home and listening to these sweet friends sing "God Be With You Til We Meet Again". I remember taking Lily to work afterwords and she brought chocolates to give to everyone so they could celebrate this day with her. Love!

Fourteen years ago seems like yesterday. What I wouldn't do to go back there.

Kitchen - Phase 1

2010-11-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

So,we moved into this house about 18 months ago. We bought this house because there really wasn't alot that HAD to be done, just some things we wanted done and slowly but surely things are happening. This weekend Rick and I decided that kitchen cabinets over the sink must go. It blocked the view into the dining room, which we hated, but we weren't quite sure what to do about the missing cupboard space. I think we came up with a good idea so, without further ado, here's our kitchen remodel - phase 1...

Here's the before

And the after...

We're still not quite done. We need to repaint the walls, paint the shelves and phases 2-? includes plans for granite tile counter tops, new lighting, new appliances, and finally cupboard painting, but for right now, I'm pretty happy!

MollyBeth

2010-11-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

My friend Sharilyn renamed me "MollyBeth" the other day after she found out I was thinking of doing a really cute craft for Thanksgiving along with canning my own apple pie filling. I wonder what she'll call me after she sees these cute little hair things I made all by myself...

We Weren't Last!!

2010-11-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

Today I ran my first 5K...I use the term "ran" loosely. But whatever. I did it and even though I don't have an official time, I know it was around forty minutes. Thanks to Sunny who ran it with me and told me how cool I was the whole time. And a special thanks to the eighty year old woman who got rocks in her shoes and had to stop so I didn't have to come in last place.

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T07:26:00.000-07:00

I loved dressing up for Halloween when I was a kid...trying to figure out how to make a costume out of what I had hanging around. I remember the store bought costumes and the only kids that wore them were the "uncool" kids. Now it's totally the opposite. One year Aren dressed up as a ninja - a costume he put together himself - and I heard a friend of his at school say, "Oh, could you not afford a costume from the store this year?" What the heck?!

It is now my goal to make cool costumes out of stuff I have around the house. If something needs to be purchased, fine, but I want them to be able to wear it later and not have it look like a costume. So, without further ado, I present to you my two little rock stars...

Time Out for...Eating?

2010-10-18T16:22:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I, along with two of my very best friends in the world, got to spend the weekend in Phoenix at Time Out for Women and while it was really was amazing, as I looked through my pictures I realized that the whole three days could be documented by what we ate...and ate! Oh my goodness we went everywhere!

First we have...

(I was an In-n-Out virgin until that day!)

followed by...

(Cafe Rio deserves before and after shots)

and last but not least...

This doesn't even include the places I didn't pull out my camera, the movies, the snack runs to the CVS across the hotel parking lot. Goodness gracious! It was a fantastic weekend that I can't wait to do all over again next year. Mark your calendars SV ladies! We're hitting the Phoenix Time Out for Women on November 4-5, 2011!

Lori and Brenda at Hard Rock

Me and Brenda at TOFW (Hey Brenda, I need that one picture of all of us!)

Five Years

2010-10-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

Our family has celebrated a few five year anniversaries. The first one was our fifth wedding anniversary on December 29, 2003 and it was a good one. Rick was home from a nine month deployment to Bosnia, Aren had just turned four and Lily was not quite two and both were as healthy as either of them could be. The next one happened on January 3rd of this year when we remembered the death of our beautiful daughter Lily. Today we celebrate again as we remember how five years ago today Aren got a bone marrow transplant. Aren loves today because he says it's like having another birthday every year, lol! Well, he's right. Each year we celebrate his birthday AND his transplant day.

This year Aren was excited to finally receive Halo Reach, after all, it's been out for a whole month! We also went out to dinner at one of Aren's favorite places - The Golden Corral. Why is it his favorite? Because "I don't have to wait to order my food. I just get to eat right from the start." That's my boy! So, Happy Transplant Day Aren! I love you and I love that you are here with me still. Every day I thank my Heavenly Father that you were able to stay with me just a little bit longer. Your happy spirit fills me with joy.

Cats, Carnivals, and Conniptions

2010-09-28T14:51:00.001-07:00

Mango is still alive...barely. That cat has got the patience of Job. Tatiana "plays" with that cat constantly and he has yet to bite or scratch her. It's pretty funny to see Mango come running out of Tatiana's room, no doubt to save his own life, and then to see Tatiana come running out after him exclaiming, "I think Mango is scared of monsters!" I'd have to agree.

We decided to give Mango the afternoon off by taking the kids to the carnival that came into town. Normally I avoid it at all costs, I mean, paying as much for wrist bands as a ticket to DisneyLand would cost seems a little ridiculous but every once in a while I like to remind the kids I'm not THAT horrible. As always, Aren was a great big brother and went on all the kiddie rides with Tatiana. She really is lucky to have him. We did let Aren have a little bit of a break and go on the big rides. Check out this picture of what was supposed to be Aren, but the guy next to him stole the show I think...

Lest you think our weekends are all fun and games, this was also the time I decided that Tatiana needed to be potty trained. She turned three in June and I figured it was time...again. I say again because this is really the third time we've started this project. You'd think I knew how to do this, being she is my third child, but Aren pretty much just decided one day to poop and pee on the toilet and Lily was so tiny and sick that we never really thought about it. I'll just jump to the end and tell you she's not peeing on the potty. After crying to my mother for twenty minutes and having her assure me that when Tatiana interviews for a job they will not ask how old she was when she finally learned to crap on the pot, I gave up once again because this girl is just bound and determined to not pee unless she's in charge.

Please don't tell me what you did to get your children trained because I've done it...sticker charts, pretty panties, treats of every kind, promises of ballet lessons, toys she's only allowed to play with on the potty...the list goes on. And no I will not throw her into a cold shower if she pees her pants. What is wrong with you people? I still figured I'd mention my lack of amazingness to help other loser moms with loser children who won't pee on command and to show off this totally cute picture of my half naked daughter sitting on a toilet with a kick-ass unused sticker chart in the background. I may not be able to get my daughter to deposit her waste in appropriate places, but I sure know how to get back at her with pictures that will piss her off in ten years.

Prude

2010-09-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

So apparently Katy Perry did this video for Sesame Street and during the screening of it, too many parents complained about her attire and so it's been pulled. Really? I mean, yeah, there's definite boobage, but it's not that bad and I'm pretty much as prudish as they come. What do you all think?

Really? Yes, Really.

2010-09-18T10:19:00.001-07:00

The other day my phone rang and it was my sister, Katharine. The conversation was pretty normal and then it turned into something dark and grotesque. It went something like this:

Kath: So, are you guys still planning on coming up for Thanksgiving?
Me: Sure am. I want it on record that we're having tons of meat, carbs, and sugar.
Kath: Fine. But before that I was thinking of running a 5k.
Me: That's great! Good for you.
Kath: Wanna run it with me?
Me:
Kath: Hello?
Me: Seriously? Do you know which sister you're talking to?

After much thought, I've decided to go ahead and do it. I'm running a 5k in two months and let me tell you something. I don't run. At least not until this morning. I ran 1/2 a mile this morning - after my sixty minutes of kick me in the ace step aerobics - and plan on running three times a week until I can run 3.1 miles without vomiting and/or passing out.

Ready...Set...Go!

Weak Moment

2010-09-14T08:59:00.000-07:00

We all know how I feel about animals. You've forgotten? Click here. But for whatever reason, last week I got bee in my bonnet and decided I wanted a cat. Now. I broke the news to Rick by saying I wanted a baby. With fear in his eyes he stood there for a moment then I said, "Ok, how 'bout a cat?" After a sixty hour work he was weak and ripe for the picking, so I got my cat.

Meet Mango

Boyfriend

2010-09-10T17:43:00.000-07:00

Check out what Aren made today in school.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

2010-09-05T08:13:00.002-07:00

Growing up in Maryland we had the opportunity to watch the Baltimore Orioles every summer. We started out at Memorial Stadium with three buck night and went from there and every game was full of fun and stories to tell. Now I live in the middle of nowhere and major league baseball isn't an option, but in Tucson there is a minor league team that fills my desire to relive those fun summer days.

Last night we went to the last game of the Tucson Toros with the Bartholets and we had a blast! We left Tatiana at home and had date night with Aren which he claimed as "the best night of his life". I don't know whether that's good news or pretty dang sad. Either way, it was pretty fun. For a measly 13 bucks per seat we were in box seats and even had a guy that would take our orders and bring food back to us so we didn't have to miss a thing. Plus we were in shouting distance of the Toros players. Our favorite for the night? Luis. Easy on the eyes and acknowledged our teen screams every time! We're getting season tickets next year!


The family...minus the crazy one

The Bartholets

Aren and Tuffy, the mascot

Laurel and our Luis!

Sunday School Revisited

2010-08-31T13:30:00.001-07:00

So I was sitting in Sunday School a few days ago and we were talking about Job. I had read the lesson - yes, I read it before hand. Why is that so hard for so many people to believe? Anyways, I read it and I haven't figured out if that's a good or bad thing. I feel like I come prepared, but then I get disappointed if we don't discuss the points that I want to discuss. So, Rick and I had our own little Sunday School later that day and it was interesting to talk to him and compare thoughts.

Job was one freaking amazing guy and we're always told we need to be more like him, but let's be honest. If we really want to liken the scriptures unto ourselves, there is no way in hell we can ever be like Job. No matter what happened to him he was spot on and gave all the Sunday School answers, but is that what we're expected to do or even capable of doing?

It's no secret that we've had it rough for a little while. I don't want to say I even sustained the losses that Job did, but I think losing a child, a home to a fire, and living on next to nothing for years to get out of debt can at least help me to sympathize with the guy. The thing is, I wasn't Job. Not even close. For years I prayed sporadically at best and when I did I often begged for understanding to help me cope with the crap I'd been dealt. In the scriptures the help and understanding always comes right away, but in reality that sometimes doesn't happen. Sometimes you just have to deal with it until you're at a place to accept, and sometimes the acceptance doesn't come...sometimes all you can do is deal with it.

Sometimes we remember things differently than the way they really happened. That horrible prom date where you spent the night at the guy's house and the guy left for work the next morning totally forgetting about you and making you hang out with his parents until your mom got there to pick you up - yes that really happened to me - is so devastating at first but 20 years later is totally hilarious. Losing a home to fire is painful until you realize that the memories you have are not found in a house, but in you.

I wonder if Job really was as Sunday Schooly as he was portrayed in his book. Maybe the book was written years later after he'd had time to reflect and had more time to realize what was really important. Maybe he wasn't sitting there covered in boils, surrounded not by his family because they were all gone, but friends who were constantly questioning his spirituality, and thinking, "Man, I sure am blessed." Maybe it took a little bit of time to realize how he needed to feel.

Maybe we're all a little more like Job than I originally thought.

Bountiful Baskets!

2010-08-28T09:12:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I know this is not a new thing for most of you, but this is a big deal for us in our little neck of the woods. When directions to your town include, "Drive about 45 minutes south of Tucson and when you think you've come to the end of the world, hang a right and keep driving and if you pass the strip bar you're going the right way," anything new is a big thing.

This morning I took my first trip to pick up my Bountiful Basket and I was not disappointed. Yummy fruits and veggies await us this week. Rick is excited about the sweet potatoes because I hate them and never buy them and I'm excited for some fresh mango in my smoothie. Tatiana is already eating a banana and Aren, well, after looking at our loot walked away and promptly asked for a PopTart.

Dreams

2010-08-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

Do you remember your dreams? I've had some crazy ones, and I mean CRAZY ones, but I'll be damned if I can remember any of them. Sometimes I am pretty lucky and can remember very vividly what I dreamed and how I felt and last night was one of those moments.

Last night I dreamed that Lily was back with us and it was amazing. It started with us being at home and all of the sudden I just knew that it was time for Lily to be resurrected and be back with us. We all walked outside and there she was, my beautiful two year old daughter as perfect as perfect could be. She ran, yes ran (something she's never been able to do) to us, and we went back inside and carried on like no time was lost. She and Tatiana were the best of friends and Aren shared everything with her - something he always regrets not doing now that she is gone.

It gave me a little glimpse of what life could possibly be like, although I'm a little fuzzy on the details. What happens if I'm like eighty and Lily decides then would be a good time. I know Heavenly Father has a sense of humor, but hopefully He's not THAT funny. Either way, that dream was just what I needed to remember that sweet Lily is mine and mine forever. I can't wait for the day when I can hold her and love her once again.

Aaaaaalll By Myself

2010-08-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

That's what I hear from Tatiana on a daily basis. "I can do it aaaaaalll by myself." Just typing it makes me cringe. Well, this is what she did aaaaaaallll by herself on Saturday afternoon...

And this is what Andy did to fix it on Monday afternoon...

And this is Aren who unfortunately has inherited the same squinty eyed smile that I got from somewhere.

One O'clock Church

2010-07-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

Church in the late afternoon sucks if you don't have children who know how to sleep past 6:30 in the morning. It also sucks if you're a dog being watched by the Harper family for three weeks and a three year old girl desperately wants a playmate.

Reality Check

2010-07-13T08:11:00.002-07:00

So this morning after I complained to Rick about having less than a week left to figure stuff out for Girls Camp (I was called to be the leader about two weeks ago), plus trying to get stuff ready for the Relief Society activity I'm in charge of tomorrow, plus dealing with too much laundry, a messy house, kids that aren't entertained, ghosts from the past coming back to haunt me, and so much more, I read my friend's blog this morning and found this...

Yup. Just what I needed.

This and That

2010-07-09T17:40:00.004-07:00

Since we went to SAN DIEGO in March and bought a NEW COUCH last month, summer is pretty much Nick Jr for Tania and xbox 360 for Aren. I haven't heard them complain much but every once in a while I'll take pictures of stuff we've done so that when they're in therapy as adults and complain about the wretched summer of 2010 I can pull these up and say, "What do you mean we didn't do anything! That summer we...

Hung out with my old Branch President from my mission in Bulgaria (and chicho Egnew),

played in the ghetto pool,

played with cousins,

and hiked to the top of our favorite mountain without falling off the cliff or being killed by border crossers."

Seriously, how much more can a kid ask for? I guess they'll have a way better time when I'm off at girls camp for a week and dad works from home and they all get to hang out in their underwear all day long. No pictures of that forthcoming...I don't want you all getting jealous of my Ricky.

Sausage Irony

2010-07-07T15:44:00.002-07:00

My sister is a vegetarian. I know...WHY?! But she is, which makes it the best thing ever that she makes the most adorable sausage kids. Don't believe me? Check out these sausage fingers from my nephew, Thomas, when he was around one year old - http://myveryownlifetimemovie.blogspot.com/2009/04/springtime.html

Fast forward to this year when nephew number two, Hunter, not only has sausage link digits, but sausage chub feet!

Bathroom Update

2010-07-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

So, remember my blue bathroom? Here's what it looked like after the paint job...

And here it is with a new light fixture and molding around the crusty mirror!

Not quite finished...final pictures are forthcoming.

Maren

2010-06-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows I'm addicted to my sisters and I would do anything for them, which is why when something happens and there is nothing I can do it breaks my heart. Tuesday morning my sister Sarah will walk into Children's National Medical Center with her two year old daughter Maren and hand her to someone, having the faith that the doctors there will be able to fix the heart problem that has plagued Maren since birth.

Sarah's family is my hero. I walked a similar path that Sarah has and she constantly amazes me with her strength and her faith. I am honored to be her sister and my prayers and all my faith go out to her and Maren this week. Sarah, I love you. Thank you for being such an amazing example to me. Your McDonald's card is coming :)

Me Me Quite Contrary

2010-06-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

What in your garden grows?

Peppers,

pommegranates,

melons and cucumbers all in a row.

Oh Sweet Ikea

2010-06-21T22:10:00.000-07:00

I love Ikea. Did you hear me? I LOVE IKEA! It's the best store ever and today it got even better. We discovered last week that Ikea delivers to Sierra Vista so we finally bought a couch. See, we've been sitting on lawn chairs for two months and prior to that we had been using a double reclining couch/chair combo that had been given to us after the fire and it had seen better days. But the point is our couch was delivered and if you know anything about Ikea you know that the furniture comes not put together - not even a little, so Rick put his assembling hat on and went to it.

The delivery guys brought it in...

...Rick got straight to work...

...The mess began...

...and got worse...

...It finally started coming together...

...Look! It's a couch!

The mess is still there and we need to re-do the pictures, but isn't it great? I love the green against the brown. Now we just need some pillows and a nice little rug and a sweet storage/coffee table. Ahhh. Life is good again.

No Hard Feelings...

2010-06-20T06:33:00.001-07:00

So, for whatever reason, our stake decided against celebrating Mother's Day this year. That's right, you heard me. No chocolate, no treats, no nasty marigolds that die no matter what you try to do to keep that sucker alive, nothing. Was I annoyed? Umm, yeah. Was I disgusted that our stake decided to flaunt their political correctness? Absolutely. Am I still bitter about it? Well, I'm trying not to be, hence this thing of beauty that Rick is taking to bishopric meeting this morning...

Adorable, right? I think this is my back handed way of saying, "Happy Father's Day...jerks."

What Makes a Great Dad?

2010-06-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

Someone who lets his little girl help put together the chairs...

And then lets that same little girl put Ariel lip gloss on him.

Something to Think About

2010-06-08T09:11:00.001-07:00

Have you ever seen the movie Mean Girls? LOOOOVE that movie. It has way too many funny lines that need to be repeat over and over. My sister and I will text each other or call and leave messages saying only the random phrases and then hang up. Again, love it. One of my favorite phrases I picked up from that movie was "word vomit". You know when you can't help but vomit and it just all comes out and you can't stop it? Yup, word vomit is the same thing - you start saying things...things you know you shouldn't say, but you do anyways and it's never good.

Rick and I were talking the other day and he said something to me that was totally normal and instead of just going with it, I questioned him...and questioned and it was so stupid. I could tell he was getting annoyed with me and I knew the conversation we were having was completely ridiculous and had no point and was only going to end with one of us getting annoyed/hurt, but still I continued with the word vomit. Finally Rick cracked and he said something that really hurt my feelings and I walked out of the room.

I started thinking how insensitive he was and what a jerk he was to say something he knew was hurtful but then I started thinking about exactly what he said. Now, what he said doesn't really matter, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true. What he said was spot on! So now I was faced with a new dilemma. Was I upset because he hurt my feelings or was I ultimately upset because he was right?

In the end he apologized and I told him thank you, that yes he was a jerk, but far worse was the fact that what he said was true and it was something that I needed to work on and I would try a little harder to be a little better. I've been wondering since this incident how many times I have had someone tell me, or heard through the grapevine what someone has said about me, and thought what big jerks they are because they could say such hurtful things, when in reality they were correct in their judgments of me and I missed an opportunity to change and improve myself.

Just something I'm thinking about.

Happy Birthday Tatiana!

2010-06-06T07:21:00.004-07:00

Tatiana's birthday is actually today, but because Rick has to be at church from about eight in the morning until after six at night, we decided to have a little shindig last night with a few friends. We had a really great time with friends and family, but the best part of the night came when Tatiana was opening presents. She is really into princess stuff right now and Rick is not very happy about that. Apparently he's a little worried that she'll be eighteen and her greatest desire will be to major in a land far far away.

To help with this, our friend Taryn bought her a nice doctor set to help her broaden her horizons. Tatiana opened it and went straight for the stethoscope. Rick watched with pride as she grabbed it and...wait for it...put it on her head like a tiara. Classic. So, here's what we did yesterday...

We had a little bbq...

Blew out some candles...

Ate some cupcakes...

Opened some presents...

Played in the sprinklers on the trampoline...

Learned how to pee on the grass...

And dressed up like a princess...

Happy Birthday Tatiana!

Thoughts

2010-06-04T16:14:00.001-07:00

I was sitting at the computer in the kitchen hanging out on the internet and I have a clear view of our family room where I see Tatiana sitting on a chair watching Mulan for the third time today and trying to sing along with whatever that song is that the not really a princess sings. And then I burst into tears.

Tatiana will be three years old in just two days. I didn't cry because she's getting older, in fact I'm one of the few parents that LOVES watching their children grow. I love seeing them grow and develop and doing things on their own. It truly makes me happy. No, I cried because I realized I have another little girl who never made it to her third birthday. I cried because I wondered if given the chance Lily would have loved princess movies and dress up clothes as much as her younger sister. I cried because I wondered if given the chance would Lily and Tatiana have been best friends like me and my sisters. I cried because I don't have the faith that so many people have, and I constantly have to remind myself that Lily is real and that I will see her again.

Sigh. I cried for lots of reasons. Maybe I just need a diet coke.

Memorial Day

2010-05-31T10:28:00.000-07:00

Here's an excerpt from a a letter I received from Rick while he was serving in Bosnia in 2002 with the Utah National Guard. Today, I remember those who not only served to protect our land, but others lands as well.

So, this morning I spoke with some women from an
organization of women who lost family members in
Srebrenica.  In that city, in about a week's time
almost 8,000 men and boys "disappeared".  They have
found what they believe to be about 2,000 bodies
(because of decomposition the bones are all mixed
together, so they have to reconstruct each individual
skeleton).  Only about 400 remains have been
positively identified.  They said that things are
speeding up, so they identify 2-3 new remains each
day.  Babe, it was so sad.  I almost cried when they
said that all they want is a finger or something to
bury, so they can move on.  It killed me.  It makes me
glad somehow that we're here.  A lot of people here
say that if we were to leave anytime soon, people
would start shooting within a week.  It's crazy,
especially considering how calm things seem right now.

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

2010-05-31T09:12:00.003-07:00

When Aren was a baby I did everything the doctor told me to...solids at four months, fruits and veggies one at a time at six months, no peanut butter, and the bottle is gone at one year - check, check, check, and check! When Lily was born I was little more relaxed, maybe too much. I remember driving to Utah from Arizona and it was the middle of the night and she was screaming and we were no where near a place to buy milk so I grabbed her bottle, threw in some Mountain Dew, gave it to her and she calmed right down! Oh, that magic elixir we call Dew.

I seemed to find a balance with Tania. We started getting rid of her bottle around 15 months, peanut butter was introduced a little too early, but hey, it had been a while since I'd had a kid. The one thing that we couldn't rid her of was The Binky. She loved it. A few months ago I finally got her down to using it only at nap time and bed time, but it was her drug of choice. Every morning she would wake up and walk into our room and I'd say, "Tania, can I have your binky please?" She would go to grab it out of her mouth, but first she would take a few good sucks before giving it up.

Tania's turning three next week so I knew we had to stop this. It was either this or potty training - I know, no brainer. So Friday afternoon, I asked Tania to go find her binkies, we knew of three of them existed, and she knew just where they all were. We put them in a ziploc bag and told her we were taking her to Target and she could bring her binkies with her. Seriously? She looked like a kid in a binky shop. We then told her that she could get anything she wanted from the store, but it would cost her the binkies.

How did it go? Surprisingly it worked like a charm. Rick tried to show her doctor sets and music sets but all Tania wanted was a Snow White princess doll and a princess tea set. Sorry, Rick. She gave the binkies to the cashier, who thought we were freaking insane, and we came home. She cried herself to sleep in my arms that night saying over and over, "Oh binky. Oh binky. I need you!" So horribly sad, right? Oh well. Her slightly buck teeth will be back to normal in no time and she'll thank me after the years of therapy are paid for.

Am I Blue?

2010-05-28T10:24:00.004-07:00

Hells yeah! Check out my half finished bathroom project!

More pics to come!

Before

After

Move Over Martha!

2010-05-13T07:44:00.005-07:00

Last night I learned a new talent. I can now sew cute lil' bags from nothing more than a place mat and some ribbon. Check it out!

I'm planning on making some more so as soon as I do I'll post the "how to" pics, but until then, go ahead and bask in my glory!

The Gila Valley Temple

2010-05-08T19:10:00.003-07:00

Rick and I have never had to travel far to go to a temple. With Rick growing up in Utah and myself growing up in the Washington DC area, temples were never more than a few minutes away. When we moved to Arizona, we discovered our closest temple was around three hours away. I know, cry me a river, but for us, that was hard. Consider it was a three hour drive there, plus at least two hours for the session and it was next to impossible to ask anyone to watch the kids for that long. Crimany, I'm their mother and sometimes asking myself to do that is too much.

We were more than excited when a new temple was announced and it would be in The Gila Valley. Now, understand, this drive is still two hours away, but man is it a beautiful one with no traffic and hiring a babysitter is totally doable.

We took the kids today for the open house and they absolutely loved it. Rick and I had seen it before, as we were asked to be ushers during the open house, but it was still beautiful the third time around. Tatiana didn't even try to jump in the baptistery...yes, we really were scared she would do that, and Aren kept saying, "I just feel so good here, mom." We all did.

Ramblings of a Mother

2010-04-26T18:44:00.003-07:00

So, life in our home has been less than stellar these past few weeks. We're not hell bound or anything, well, no more than usual, but we've been dealing with the ghosts of drama past. Aren has had a tough little life, major illness paired with the death of a sister with the same condition followed by a bone marrow transplant less than ten months later. Add to that broken limbs due to osteoporosis, joints that don't move, gray hair and funky skin and you've got the perfect depression storm.

Yup, Aren is ten and has suffered from depression most of his life. He's been popping pills since before he was three, but even medication couldn't keep the monster down this month. We noticed that Aren wasn't himself - he would cry a little more easily and get upset over things that normally didn't phase him and then he couldn't calm himself down, but nothing prepared us for the night when he told Rick he was just done with life. He told Rick he wished he were dead because he wanted to be with Lily again and because he didn't think he was worth it any more.

I couldn't believe it. Anyone who knows Aren can see that he is the sweetest boy around. He absolutely wants to be friends with everyone, adults included. All of his uncles and aunts can attest to the fact that hugs are not optional when he is around, so you can imagine how I would have felt knowing that my poor boy was having these kinds of thoughts.

After weeks of phone calls and screaming at doctors, we finally made our way to a psychiatrist this morning and talked with him for over an hour. We decided the best course of action to take with medication, then the doctor asked if I would consider family therapy. Of course I said yes, but as the day has gone on the thoughts have crept into my head that I am a failure as a parent.

When Lily died I couldn't function. I had never dealt with depression before, even when Rick was in Bosnia and I had a child in the hospital for weeks at a time every month. I've always been able to hold it together. But leaving a lifeless two year old in a diaper and nothing else in a hospital room, knowing the next time I'd see her would be to dress her lifeless body is enough to make the strongest person lose it. I spent the next few months trying to deal with my own feelings, then moving straight into "let's get it done" mode for Aren's transplant, I suppose I neglected to see what was going on with Aren.

Oh, I know I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt, but I still feel horrible that here we are five years later and we're just going to start dealing with all this. I understand the fact that we're dealing with this now is at least better late than never, but still. Guilty feelings creep in and it sucks putting forth the effort to shut them up.

Rambling done.

Ode to Rick

2010-04-21T14:45:00.002-07:00

We have an old blog that I could never really figure out how to use, but Rick did and so he wrote a lot. Every once in a while I go to the blog and read about those days following Lily's death, Aren's transplant, and the birth of Tatiana. Rick had his own page where he wrote down his thoughts, mostly about life following the death of our daughter. Rick has an amazing way with words and I thought this should be shared. If you're struggling with the death of a loved one or just life in general, read this and love it, just like I do every time I read it.

Stages

They say that the grieving process has stages. We’ve all heard of them, from denial to rage to acceptance. The idea seems to be that they just flow from one to the next, until you’ve finally accepted your loss. It’s sort of like a play, and each scene marches forward to the happy ending, where you’ve moved on and begun your life anew. They say that we just need to be patient, and that it will all work out in the end.

I say they’re wrong.

Grief isn’t a process. It doesn’t have stages, at least not like the stages of a rocket, where one burns out and the next starts, constantly propelling you towards that destination, that wonderful place where you can look back on what you’ve been through and say, “I am a better person now”.

If there is any stage for grief, it is closer to the one Shakespeare used to describe the world. But far from the players on his stage, who play their part and are heard of no more, the emotions that are the characters in this play are terribly persistent. They are all players in a large ensemble scene that begins with the news of your loss and continues for the rest of your life. They are always there, sometimes engaged in conversations with one or more of the other characters, sometimes hiding behind the scenery. At their weakest, they are only in the wings, waiting to be summoned back to center stage, where, at their strongest, they dominate the entire theater. While it may be possible, in time, to recognize that someone is being cued, it is usually impossible to predict which actors will come forth. Will it be Regret? Anger? Maybe Denial will make an appearance long after he was thought removed from the drama – but in a different disguise.

The complications don’t end there, however, because this is not just a play – the writer also seems to have taken a lesson from Wagner. Each character has his own leitmotif in addition to the specific part he must play. While one person is on the stage, claiming to reign supreme, his nemesis’s theme is rising softly from the orchestra pit, undermining everything that is being done on stage.

When Lily died, the background music belonged to Denial, though I didn’t notice it at the time – I was to busy listening to the sham monologue being delivered by Acceptance. He was showing me her body, making me notice how lifeless it was, how, even when she was sound asleep there were signs of life – how she would at least try to keep her head up, how I could feel her breathe, and see the blush of her cheeks, and most especially how she never felt this cold. It was Denial, I suppose, that inserted the heart-rending (or maybe just melodramatic) notion that I should hold her tighter and get a warmer blanket so she would be more comfortable. Now, six months later, I meet the same pairing more often, but with Denial’s theme in some twisted variation. Acceptance’s musings hold much more force now. But when Denial sneaks in, he is once again sounding a tragic note, trying to convince me that she never existed, that the three years I spent with my baby girl were all just in my dreams. After all, my dreams are the only place I can see her now, so who is to say that that isn’t the way it’s always been?

Just like listening to the notes of a symphony coming from a stage, your only perspective is what you can hear now as compared to the notes in your memory. And although this music-drama will run for the rest of your life, you will never see the exact same scene twice. Even as you remember, there will be subtle variations that you have never noticed before. In a Brahms symphony, the phrases sound very similar, but if you listen closely enough, the details and nuances emanating from the stage will always be subtly different. But seeing and hearing these differences bring newness to what is happening on stage. Sometimes they are interesting or even amusing. Sometimes the notes sound a sort of pathos with a ferocity that is both contradictory and fitting. But the music and the drama never end, they only interact and change each other and themselves. They just continue, working, progressing inexorably towards that final scene, the coda of our own lives – which in itself can be the beginning of someone else’s tragic opera.

Sisters

2010-04-20T06:46:00.008-07:00

To the outside world we all grow old. But not to...sisters.

We know each other as we always were.We know each other's hearts.
We share private family jokes.
We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys.
We live outside the touch of time. ~Clara Ortega

Oh, I'm crying. I don't use the word blessed that often, but I was truly blessed to be born into a family where I have three sisters. They bring me so much joy. Every time the phone rings, Rick tries to guess which sister will be calling and he worries if he realizes I haven't spoken to one of them on any given day.

This weekend all of my sisters, Katharine, Emma, and Sarah, came down for forty-eight hours of pure heaven. The majority of that time was spent on the road as we were helping my younger sister move the last of her belongings from her old house in New Mexico. I cried as I realized that Sarah really would never be back in New Mexico to live, giving it all up for her beautiful daughter Maren who needs more medical attention than a small town can give. I cried as I realized that Emma would be heading back to Utah and take with her the faces that tell exactly what she's thinking without saying a word. And I cried as I realized that I don't spend enough time with Katharine who lives just three hours away from me. I cried as I realized once again my sisters mean the world to me. We are a part of each other. We know who we were, who we are, who we want to be, and we love each other anyways.

Go Diego Go...Away

2010-04-12T14:26:00.004-07:00

I've never been an animal person, but even I am ok with the wild ones. Animals behind bars or from a distance are a-ok with me, which is why I never really cared if Tatiana watched Go Diego Go. Even though he's an eco-friendly hippy animal lover, I could put up with him way more than his loud mouthed cousin Dora.

Until now.

Because of this freak of nature and his rescue pack, my little girl has convinced herself that she's a penguin. She waddles around the house and when I ask her a question with a yes or no answer her response is usually, "Squack." An excited "squack" means yes and a less enthusiastic "squack" apparently means no. I suppose I should have learned from my last caving in animal experience. Stupid hamsters.

Proof

2010-04-06T08:20:00.005-07:00

So, I've been yapping away to people about our totally fun trip to San Diego over spring break and have yet to post pictures, so here's proof of our amazing four days (only two if you count driving). Feel free to skip them all and post nothing, skip them all and then post saying "Wow! Looks like a great trip!", or browse at your leisure and bask in the glory of two of the three cutest kids ever born along with one hot looking guy. Yes, I'm talking about Rick.

Aren at the beach at Coronado Island

Just the boys

Shamu doing his thing

Aren had to have this jellyfish hat and Tatiana promptly
declared it hers

Waiting for the show to start...

Both looking a little tired

Tatiana finally passed out after the sky ride over the park.
Jerk. I paid four bucks for her to sleep on a ride.

Enjoying the flowers while Aren and I went on a ride

Dining with dolphins

Tatiana loved seeing the dolphins up close.
Hopefully next year we'll be able to do the dolphin experience.

Tatiana was not happy about this ride at all.

Aren, on the other hand, is totally at home.

Sliding at the Sesame Street playland

Tatiana, too

Aren and a whale

Tender Mercies

2010-04-03T18:43:00.002-07:00

Life can be hard sometimes and usually that's all that can be said, but sometimes, when I'm really quiet and trying to listen, something amazing happens.

I've talked before about how Heavenly Father must have known we were a bunch of idiots because He put a lot of good stuff in the first few chapters in the Book of Mormon - you can find that entry HERE. Once more as I begin again I came across the most amazing scripture that I've read a million times, but not until now has it become a favorite.

"But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." I Nephi 1:20

How grateful I am this Easter weekend for the "tender mercies of the Lord". Those few moments I can spend with Aren and Tatiana coloring eggs and talking about which ones are our favorites. Sitting outside with Rick as he digs and scrapes to make a perfect circle around our not perfect tree with bricks and when it doesn't work out he says, "Huh. I wonder which expletive I should use here." Looking at sweet pictures of my darling Lily who left us five years ago but because of the most amazing tender mercy, will rise again and be my daughter forever.

Jesus Christ has risen. He is my Lord and Savior and no matter how hard life seems to get, this tender mercy is eternal.

No, I'm Not Kidding

2010-03-24T08:45:00.002-07:00

This is a real conversation between Rick and Aren this morning on the way to school...

Rick: Aren, why are you so sad?
Aren: I just feel really bad because I totally forgot Lily's birthday last week.
Rick: Oh, buddy. Seriously you shouldn't feel bad about it. It happens alot.
Aren: I know, but it makes to sad when I forget things like that.
Rick: Aren, please don't feel bad. I mean, come on. I forget mom's birthday all the...Oh crap. Aren, get the phone and call your mom. It's her birthday.

I better get something really good when that dude comes home from work.

Crazy

2010-03-05T18:20:00.006-07:00

Here's a conversation between my sister Sarah,you can check out her blog HERE, and her son, which would be my nephew, Henry while riding in the car this afternoon...

Sarah: Henry, do you know how to get to basketball practice?
Henry: No.
Sarah: Oh great, now we'll never get there.
Henry: Sigh. Mom, you are the craziest mom I know.
Sarah: Really? I know some pretty crazy moms Henry.
Henry: Like Aunt MaryBeth?

Nice. Really nice.

And Then There Were Four

2010-03-02T07:06:00.003-07:00

I am really starting to dread when I see Aren come running into a room and randomly burst out phrases that don't make sense until thought upon. Last time it was, "Mom, Chester's a girl!" Today it was, "Mom, I think it ate a baby!"

Yeah, you heard me. That thing Aren picked up at the pet store went and ate a baby. We're not quite sure when, but we do know two things...it happened after the 26th of February when this last picture was taken and the four little suckers that are left were witnessed playing with a tiny set of legs connected to a nice back bone in the wee hours of the morning.

Nasty.

A Different View

2010-02-21T21:30:00.004-07:00

So, women complain a lot. Oh we try and say we just need to talk about things because that's how we deal with life, but let's call a spade a spade. We are really good at bitching and moaning but sometimes we take it a bit too far. While getting ready for church this morning I realized that with a little tweaking, I could have a different view...

I'm grateful we have no money in our checking account because it means we've payed for our trip to San Diego outright and didn't have to put it on a credit card.

I'm grateful that Rick has been working twelve hour days because it means he has a good secure job.

I'm grateful I have about five loads of laundry to fold because it means my family has clothes to wear.

I'm grateful we took Aren to the ER on Wednesday when we thought he broke his arm because it means we have insurance and weren't worried about a bigger bill.

I'm grateful that I have to buy a whole new wardrobe for Tatiana because it means I have a little girl that is growing like little girls should.

I'm grateful for all of the anticipated costly home repairs because it means I have a home that is mine and I can do what I want to with it.

Sometimes we all need to be reminded that life isn't that bad. So tell me, what crappy thing are you grateful for today?

He Said She Said

2010-02-15T15:59:00.003-07:00

So, a little over a week ago Aren had finally saved up enough money to get a hamster and since I was the idiot that said, "Save your money and you can get one," I took him to the store where Chester was purchased. You can read my thoughts HERE.

This afternoon we found out that Chester is not a he, but a she. Yup. Apparently this little hamster was never told about rodent birth control and the little hussy went and got herself knocked up and we've become the baby daddy. For the love of all that is good and holy.

The pet store slut...

Her multiple offspring

Just Say No

2010-02-07T10:08:00.003-07:00

Just say NO! has always been my policy when it comes to animals. I don't like them really. I figure if I'm going to invest that much time and energy into a living thing I better reap some of the benefits like being taken care of when I'm old. Dogs just can't do that.

If I hadn't pushed Aren out myself I'd swear he wasn't mine. He loves animals. Loves them. He's always asking for a dog, a cat, something, ANYTHING that he can take care of. I told him he could have Tania but he didn't want her. Last year I finally caved and said, "If you can save up enough money to pay for all the supplies, I'll buy you a hamster," knowing full well this kid can't save money to save his life.

Well yesterday it happened. He walked up to me with money in his pocket telling me he had enough and he wanted his hamster today. Dammit. So we went and now Chester is living with us. I refuse to say he's part of our family because my hell, he's a freakin' hamster. He's cute and all, but I have no connection. Like most things in life, the Simpsons pretty much sum up my feelings...

Slow and Steady

2010-01-25T20:14:00.005-07:00

All the do it yourself shows have told me that you can't remodel your kitchen a little at a time but seriously, who has thousands (sometimes tens of thousands) of dollars just hanging around so you don't have to go into debt and do it all at once? Not me. That's why I'm telling those tv shows to shove it and doing it bit by bit.

This weekend we started with the paint because we had a few extra surprise dollars come in. I'm asking for paint for Valentine's Day so I can do the cupboards, and then maybe after saving for a few months I can get my new sink and then finally new countertops. We'll see how it goes.

But until then, this is our before and afters...

For the record, I'm very aware of the touch-ups that need to be made...remember I said this was bit by bit :)

Neon Trees

2010-01-08T12:39:00.005-07:00

So, here's a little introduction to Neon Trees. The bass player, dude with the facial hair, is my honeymoon companion from the mission's husband. Go ahead and listen HERE, enjoy, then pre-order their single HERE.

FHE for Dummies

2010-01-04T18:17:00.003-07:00

Family Home Evening is a four letter word in our house. I know, I know. I say those bad words all the time, but this is a REALLY bad word in our house. We have such a hard time getting everyone to sit down and shut up and stop asking about treats...it's just hard. But FHE at our house just got a whole lot easier.

Thanks to a great combination of righteous people, not me, and the internet I have found 48 family home even lessons that correspond with the 2010 Primary theme. Why only 48? I've been thinking about that and maybe it's because you get four free weeks from FHE just like we get four free weeks from church because of General and Stake Conference. You think I'm kidding.

CLICK HERE FOR THE DOWNLOAD!

Hurt

2010-01-02T21:07:00.004-07:00

I’ve tried over and over to write something positive about this absolutely not positive 5 year anniversary of my daughter’s death, but I can’t.

Five years has been a long time. In the past five years I haven’t potty trained Lily. I haven’t watched her graduate from preschool or cry at her first day of kindergarten. I haven’t helped her learn to read or tie her shoes or even practice for a leading role in the second grade revolutionary war play. Instead, I’ve cried and cried and cried some more. I’ve watched other little girls grow up and I’ve watched other mothers help their daughters grow up. I've watched other mothers pray for miracles for their hurting children and receive those miracles, all the while wondering what I did to not get mine. I’ve held my son as he cries and screams “It’s not fair!” and I’ve held my husband as he quietly sobs and whispers, “I just miss her so much.” I’ve had to show another daughter pictures of a little girl long gone and teach her the name of her sister. I’ve been laughing and loving my children and had to leave the room in tears because of the guilt I felt when I realized that one is missing and will never get the chance to grow up with her brother and sister.

Sometimes the story ends there…no comfort, no testimony, no nothing. And then sometimes, if I’m really lucky, I’ll feel my little girl standing next to me. Sometimes I’ll have a dream of what she might look like at the age of eight, getting ready to be baptized by her father. Sometimes I know the church is true and the pain I feel turns to comfort. Sometimes I can walk back into the room I left in tears and be grateful for the blessings I do have.

But most of the time it just hurts.

Change

2009-12-31T16:58:00.004-07:00

While looking through my yearbook a few days ago I laughed at memories, cringed at early 90’s hairstyles, and wondered about a certain phrase written over and over…”Don’t ever change.”

Reconnecting with long lost roommates, mission companions, and classmates via Facebook, have also brought the comments, “You’ve haven’t changed one bit.” Really? If that’s the case, I think I might be a little sad. I think I’ve changed a lot since my days of asking to see a cute boy's CTR ring during seminary then “forgetting” to give it back to him so he’d have to call me later to remind me to bring it to him, or talking about a roommate with my bedroom door open and not checking to see if she’s there before railing on her. These days I’m very aware of people’s location before I talk smack about them and I’m a little more up front about the feelings I have for the cute boy I’m shacked up with.

But maybe change isn’t always the best thing. Can it be good to be the same forever and forever? I mean, God is unchanging and He’s not that bad, right? I guess some things are pretty much the same, like me thinking life, for the most part, is extremely hilarious, crap follows me where ever I go, and I still have issues with stupid people. Maybe, like most things in life, change isn’t black and white, but varying shades of grey and it’s up to me to decide if it’s good or bad.

I’ll have to think about it for a while…my thoughts might change tomorrow.

Eleven Years...tomorrow!

2009-12-28T19:04:00.004-07:00

From our humble beginnings as missionaries in far off Bulgaria...

...to the humble present day in far off Arizona...

...I love you.

Here's to a little less hair and a lot more, well, everything else!

My Year in Status

2009-12-18T07:25:00.002-07:00

Thank you Facebook!

Recipes

2009-12-13T20:32:00.003-07:00

Ok, here are the recipes I talked about on Facebook. Sorry there aren't any pictures...our computer is mostly retarded.

Peanut Butter Balls
Ingredients:
1/2 cup peanut butter
3 T softened butter
1 cup powdered sugar
1 bag chocolate chips - I use milk chcolate

Directions:
Mix the peanut butter, butter, and powdered sugar together with a mixer. Shape into one inch balls and let stand.

Melt chocolate in a double boiler - I use my soup pot with a smaller pot inside it - or you could melt it in the microwave. Dip the PB balls in the chocolate and put on wax paper. Put them in the fridge until the chocolate is hardened. They can store in a container for about three weeks...like they'd last that long.

Chocolate Peppermint Pinwheel Cookies
This recipe is from Alton Brown on Good Eats

Ingredients:
* 1 batch Sugar Cookies, recipe follows
* 3 ounces unsweetened chocolate, melted
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1 egg yolk
* 1 teaspoon peppermint extract
* 1/2 cup crushed candy canes or peppermint candies

Directions:
Divide the dough in half and add chocolate and vanilla to 1 half and incorporate with hands. Add egg yolk, peppermint extract, and crushed candy to other half of dough and incorporate with hands. Cover both with plastic and chill for approximately 5 minutes. Roll out doughs separately to approximately 1/4-inch thickness. Place peppermint dough on top of chocolate and press together around the edges. Using waxed paper or flexible cutting board underneath, roll dough into log. Wrap in waxed paper and refrigerate for 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Remove dough from the refrigerator and cut into 1/2-inch slices. Place cookies 1-inch apart on greased baking sheet, parchment, or silicone baking mat and bake for 12 to 13 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through cooking time. Remove from oven and let sit on baking sheet for 2 minutes, then move to a wire rack to cool completely. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 week.
Sugar Cookie:
3 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1 egg, beaten
1 tablespoon milk
Powdered sugar, for rolling out dough

Sift together flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside. Place butter and sugar in large bowl of electric stand mixer and beat until light in color. Add egg and milk and beat to combine. Put mixer on low speed, gradually add flour, and beat until mixture pulls away from the side of the bowl

The Talk

2009-12-10T16:29:00.002-07:00

I've had many Aren milestones in the past almost ten years. Some were typical - walking, talking, potty training - and some not so typical - first hospital stay, chemo, broken legs. Last night was a typical milestone that no one wants to deal with but needs to be done. Last night Aren had "the talk".

That's right. My son has been de-flowered. He now knows, uh...well, the ins and outs of life. Luckily Rick was the one that had to deal with it because of my amazing parenting skills. It went a little something like this...

"Aren, please take a shower tonight."

"Mom, I hate taking showers."

Keep in mind after a long day of being by myself and Rick working overtime, I have a less than short fuse. "AREN! Let me tell you something. YOU STINK! Ok? You're getting older, your body is changing and once a week showers don't cut it. You smell! Bathe yourself!" And then I slammed the door as I walked out of the room.

Rick was there to explain the nerd side of things and started telling him about glands and blah, blah, blah and then said, "You know Aren..." Yeah, it was the "you can ask me anything" to try and open the doors, which Aren did, but only a crack. He proceeded to tell Rick that he had seen something at school about (he actually asked permission to use the next phrase and whispered) sex education, and was wondering what it was.

Trying not to laugh Rick told Aren that he was going to tell him some things and "when you've heard enough, tell me to stop and I will." He then laid it all out on the table - who has what and why and where it goes. "Ok, that's enough," was all Aren said. Rick then followed up with the ever important, "This is not something we discuss with our friends. It's very sacred and you should only talk to me or mom if you have questions. Do you understand?"

The response? "Yeah. If sacred means gross, I get it."

Poor Aren. He asked if he could play Super Smash Brothers Brawl for the rest of the night. I didn't have the heart to say no. I guess he needed to get those images out of his mind and replace it with little Mario characters beating the snot out of each other with frying pans. Who can blame him.

Wanted

2009-12-04T06:53:00.002-07:00

http://www.redstonedesign.com/Max-Hall-Hates-Me-Tshirt.php

Thankful

2009-11-26T21:20:00.006-07:00

Thanks to Emilie Campbell Photography.

Therapy

2009-11-22T21:22:00.004-07:00

This post has been copied from RICK who said it just as well as I could.

Clinical Psychologists sometimes have their patients use puppets to act out scenes. The idea is that people will be more likely to say what they actually feel, since it's not "them" actually speaking, it's the puppets. (I know this because I watched "What About Bob?" several years ago.) They also sometimes have children draw pictures, again because they are sometimes more willing or able to draw about a traumatic event than they are to talk about it. (I know this because I regularly watch Law & Order: SVU.)

My son recently drew a picture for and about his cousin. I can only assume (based on the details) that communicating with her is somehow psychologically damaging, and that he decided to just treat himself. Click on the pic for full resolution - and make sure you read the text bubbles.

I Gave It My Best

2009-11-11T18:20:00.003-07:00

When I married Rick I knew two things.

1. I loved him.
2. He was a nerd.

Seriously, Rick is one the most intelligent people I know. I often ask him to define words, talk slower and explain in four year old terms what the hell he's talking about. I knew there was always the possibility he would pass this on to our children, but I held on to the fact that surely my social skills genes could whoop his nerd genes and hard.

I knew that I was failing with Aren when he had just turned five and we were spending Christmas at my mom's house. She has a cat named Pinto and this cat has...issues. You know boys that are short tend to be a little mean - trying to prove that they can be just as "big" as the big kids? Yeah, that was Pinto. She had three legs. You heard me. Three legs. She's an outside cat and one day she just disappeared and showed up about a week later dragging her hind leg. The vet gave my mom some options and the cheapest was chosen...amputation. Point being, this cat was crazy.

I was talking with Aren one afternoon and he was telling me about his latest run in with Pinto and he said, "That cat is rather feral." I just stared at him. "What?" "That cat is rather feral." Again, staring. "What the hell does that mean?" Aren sighed and looked at me and said, "Wild mom. It means wild." I knew I was an idiot, and Aren confirmed it that night.

I had a dream that there was still hope. Aren could be a cool kid and I could help him, but this afternoon, all hopes were dashed. Aren's friend came over to play for the afternoon and the first thing he said was, "Hey, come back to my room and listen to the coolest song ever!" I was intrigued and waited to see what would come from the speakers.

Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 4th Movement (Ode to Joy for all you idiots like me).

Maybe I'll turn my efforts to Tatiana. Then again, she refuses to call orange juice "orange juice" because it's not orange, it's yellow. Maybe it's too late for her, too.

Semi-colon Parenthesis

2009-10-26T07:17:00.007-07:00

So, Maryland really isn't considered the south, but it IS south of the Mason Dixon Line and it WAS a slave state for those purposes we'll say I grew up in the south and with that came the lovely phrase, "Bless your heart." As an extremely sympathetic child I would hear that and think that the person saying it had a heart of gold and pained at the thought of the intended's misery. As an adult I realize it's just a way of saying whatever you want and then getting away with it by tacking something on the end.

"That nose of her's enters a room before she does, bless her heart."

"That baby is one of the ugliest I've ever seen, bless his heart."

It kind of reminds me of when I was growing up and we used the word "psych" to get out of being caught in the act. "No, best friend! Sure I called you the meanest jerkiest friend in the world, but you didn't stick around long enough to hear me say psych!"

Along with the internet came a new wave of communication and getting away with saying things to hurt people's feelings without the guilt. Enter the semi-colon followed by a parenthesis. Get it? It's a wink! Whoever thought this up is brilliant...condensing the phrase of bless your heart into two small clicks of the fingers - three if you count the shift key.

Most recently on Facebook, Rick was told by another person during a political discussion that she didn't have time to debate something because she was too busy working hard to raise five good little capitalists ;) Notice the use of the semi-colon? It was ok to infer that she was raising her children correctly while Rick was reading from Stalin's greatest hits to his because of that amazing punctuation mark!

Let me show you another example...

You're a jackhole - totally rude.

You're a jackhole ;) - see? Cute and just kidding.

People can let you know with just a few small taps of the fingers how upset they are that your house was destroyed in an explosion and while you were trying to get away you ran over your dog and forgot your cat by simply typing :( Which interpreted means, "Seriously? Get over yourself. You think that's hard? Try dealing with my life!"

I'm guilty of using these myself, I just wish someone would come up with one that represented "You need a Diet Coke" or "Good hell, grow up you freak". Let me know if you think of any.

Wink.

Four Years and Counting

2009-10-12T13:21:00.004-07:00

Tomorrow will be four years since Aren received a bone marrow transplant to save his life from a genetic condition he was born with called Severe Combined Immunodeficiency. Following is the blog entry that Rick posted on that day. Thank you to everyone who has been with us over the past few years to help us and especially to help Aren. We are forever grateful to the doctors, to his donor, George (you can read his story HERE) and our Savior who allowed Aren to stay with us.

"This day has been a long time in the making. It has been about ten months since we started actively pursuing it for Aren and nearly three years since we got the first signs of trouble. But it finally came. Aren has been pretty sick over the past couple of days, a result of many of the medications that have been preparing him for the transplant. It was really sad. He slept for about 18 hours straight between Tuesday and Wednesday, waking only long enough to throw up, complain that his head, tummy and legs hurt, go to the bathroom (maybe) and fall asleep again. It was awful, seeing him that sick, but it was what we expected would happen the moment that he started the chemo. We’re just thankful that it took this long to get this bad. It’s ironic, however, that it wasn’t the chemotherapy that was making him sick. It was actually a different drug whose purpose was not to kill off any bone marrow but to prevent some of the white blood cells from attacking the new bone marrow.

But today was the big day. At about 3:00 this afternoon, the nurse brought in what looked like a bag of blood for a transfusion and hooked it up to Aren’s central line. We told Aren that it was his new bone marrow, and he stopped playing Pokemon just long enough to look at it and exclaim, “Wow! That’s COOL!” The infusion began. It had taken longer for them to get the cells to us because there was a blood type difference between Aren and his donor. Therefore, the marrow had to be scrubbed of white blood cells and plasma, in order to keep it from killing off the rest of Aren’s blood before the new stem cells could have a chance to engraft. Since it wasn’t whole blood, there were some interesting differences in consistency in various places along the IV tube. In some places, it looked like regular blood, while in others it was nearly clear. The most striking were the places where the consistency and color were eerily similar to the Tropical Punch Kool-Aid and Orange juice mixture my mother used to make when I was a kid.

After a while, the nurse said, “Aren, Guess what! You’re all done with your transplant!”

Aren sounded truly surprised. “Really?”

“Yep.”

“How long did my bone marrow transplant take?”

“About 1 ½ hours”.

His transplant ended with the same sentence with which it began. “Wow, that’s cool.” And then he went back to his Pokemon."

Seriously Crying

2009-10-02T07:13:00.002-07:00

Oh my gosh, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. Check out this hilariously funny video of Total Eclipse of the Heart...the literal version.

Don't forget to pause the annoying music!