Saturday, January 3, 2009

Remember

I remember it was four o'clock in the morning and I was laying in a hospital bed in the ICU with you. I remember you had no hair because it needed to be shaved off to put a shunt in your head to release the large amount of fluid that was collecting around your brain. I remember you were almost three years old but weighed less than twenty pounds. I remember you were only in a diaper because your nurses and doctors needed access to every part of you. I remember you were cold, so very cold. I remember holding your hand and listening to every labored breath coming from your body. I remember the breathing stopped and I held you and I told you I loved you and I would see you soon. I remember the nurse, Alice, coming in and putting her arms around me and telling me she was sorry. I remember calling Rick and hearing his sobs over the phone. I remember crying and telling Heavenly Father I hated my life and it wasn't fair.

I remember when you were born, all 6 lbs and 4 ounces of you. I remember my good friend Shera coming to visit me and when she saw you said, "Where's the rest of her?" I remember bringing you home and being amazed that we had such a perfect healthy baby girl. I remember your scratchy voice, your sweet laugh, your love of pizza and ice cream and chicken nuggets. I remember how you would see a baby crying and you would exclaim, "Look! Baby happy!" I remember how you would eat chips and salsa with Rick. I remember you loved Veggie Tales and every time you saw a cherry tomato you would call it Bob. I remember you taking showers with Rick and when you were done he would wrap you up in a hand towel and send you out to me. I remember how you would sit next to Aren for hours and watch him play nintendo; just content to be with your big brother.



I remember you, Lily.

March 19, 2002-January 3, 2005





25 comments:

Michemily said...

Beautiful.

pebes2 said...

What a tribute. Lily was blessed to have you as her mommy. I am deeply touched.

Love you MB!!! Give me a call if you need anything today.

Katie said...

Amen MB that was beautiful. What a perfect, beautiful little girl. I am so sorry that she isn't here for you to have and hold.....makes me so sad.

Reenie's World said...

What a beautiful little girl, with wonderful memories.

Love you.

JAMIE RBZ said...

I love you MaryBeth, and I wish Lily was still here.

Laurie said...

Lily is a beautiful girl who sounds just like her mom, and I wish I'd had the pleasure of knowing her here on earth. You'll have to introduce us.

Ninny said...

I hope today she comes to visit you in come way and that you can feel her there. I am grateful for your courage and faith MB!

*~Petra~* said...

Oh Mary, that was beautiful. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family today. Love you lots.

Elizabeth said...

You sure know how to tug at the heart strings. I couldn't imagine such a loss. I remember when I first heard about her passing and how heartbroken I was for you. Words couldn't explain the pain I felt for you family. Thank God for eternal families. We are thinking of and praying for you today. I love you Deli.

Laura said...

Oh my crap... the tears are streaming... my you defintily said it all so beautifully! I can't wait for you to someday have all 3 of your children in your arms! Love ya and miss ya! ~ Laura

kellyclay said...

What a beautiful Tribute to Lily from her Beautiful Mother. MaryBeth my heart breaks for you.

Hilary said...

Oh, MB, I love you so much. Prayers for you and your family this sad, sad day.

Kimberly said...

I just love you, MaryBeth! I wish I could have know Lily, too, what a beautiful little girl she is.

joywinn said...

What a beautiful tribute to such a sweet, perfect, beautiful and pure little girl. My heart aches for you and your family. I would give anything to have her back for you.

Megan said...

I wish I could have known her. She is a beautiful girl MB!

Abbie Nelson said...

Thanks sweetie. You've got me totally bawling my eyes out.
What a precious angel. I love seeing the pictures and hearing the stories.

amy germer said...

You made me do the ugly cry! How do you do it? You are so strong-I love you!

Melinda said...

I love you, MaryBeth.
What a beautiful tribute to your precious Lily. I wish she was still here for you to hold & love.

Marissa said...

I remember hearing about the most beautiful girl over the internet and being filled with so much emotion and love for her and her family. I also remember that feeling has never left me. Thank you Lily and MB!

Shera said...

I will never forget coming home after Christmas in Utah and seeing all the messages from you, listening to the haunted sound of your voice on the machine telling me your baby was leaving.
We just got back from Utah again and reading that post made me relive all those phone conversations again. Hearing your heart break as your beautiful babies body shut down, knowing no one could make your pain go away as the doctors worked so hard to take Lily's pain go away.
Lily was an amazing girl, so beautiful and small. I guess I should have known she would lead an unusual life after you came to my house after your doctors appointment and told me your were about to have a baby and you sure hoped Rick could find a ride down from Salt Lake in time.
I can't wait to see her again.
What a beautiful post Dely!

pixiestylist said...

holy moly you have a way with words

Barbara Rees said...

Beautifully said MaryBeth. And while I didn't get a chance to check in yesterday, I too was remembering Lily. She will always be a part of so many people. Love you

Lucky Mama said...

I love you MaryBeth, I was thinking about Lilly tonight and just wanted you to know that we love her too. We remember and we are sorry for the hurt you are all feeling today.

Kaylynne said...

That was beautiful.
Love you

Sharilyn said...

I love hearing about Lily, even in those final moments. What a beautiful tribute for a beautiful girl.