Remember

I remember it was four o'clock in the morning and I was laying in a hospital bed in the ICU with you. I remember you had no hair because it needed to be shaved off to put a shunt in your head to release the large amount of fluid that was collecting around your brain. I remember you were almost three years old but weighed less than twenty pounds. I remember you were only in a diaper because your nurses and doctors needed access to every part of you. I remember you were cold, so very cold. I remember holding your hand and listening to every labored breath coming from your body. I remember the breathing stopped and I held you and I told you I loved you and I would see you soon. I remember the nurse, Alice, coming in and putting her arms around me and telling me she was sorry. I remember calling Rick and hearing his sobs over the phone. I remember crying and telling Heavenly Father I hated my life and it wasn't fair.

I remember when you were born, all 6 lbs and 4 ounces of you. I remember my good friend Shera coming to visit me and when she saw you said, "Where's the rest of her?" I remember bringing you home and being amazed that we had such a perfect healthy baby girl. I remember your scratchy voice, your sweet laugh, your love of pizza and ice cream and chicken nuggets. I remember how you would see a baby crying and you would exclaim, "Look! Baby happy!" I remember how you would eat chips and salsa with Rick. I remember you loved Veggie Tales and every time you saw a cherry tomato you would call it Bob. I remember you taking showers with Rick and when you were done he would wrap you up in a hand towel and send you out to me. I remember how you would sit next to Aren for hours and watch him play nintendo; just content to be with your big brother.

I remember you, Lily.

March 19, 2002-January 3, 2005