I was sitting at the computer in the kitchen hanging out on the internet and I have a clear view of our family room where I see Tatiana sitting on a chair watching Mulan for the third time today and trying to sing along with whatever that song is that the not really a princess sings. And then I burst into tears.
Tatiana will be three years old in just two days. I didn't cry because she's getting older, in fact I'm one of the few parents that LOVES watching their children grow. I love seeing them grow and develop and doing things on their own. It truly makes me happy. No, I cried because I realized I have another little girl who never made it to her third birthday. I cried because I wondered if given the chance Lily would have loved princess movies and dress up clothes as much as her younger sister. I cried because I wondered if given the chance would Lily and Tatiana have been best friends like me and my sisters. I cried because I don't have the faith that so many people have, and I constantly have to remind myself that Lily is real and that I will see her again.
Sigh. I cried for lots of reasons. Maybe I just need a diet coke.