Friday, June 4, 2010


I was sitting at the computer in the kitchen hanging out on the internet and I have a clear view of our family room where I see Tatiana sitting on a chair watching Mulan for the third time today and trying to sing along with whatever that song is that the not really a princess sings.  And then I burst into tears.

Tatiana will be three years old in just two days.  I didn't cry because she's getting older, in fact I'm one of the few parents that LOVES watching their children grow.  I love seeing them grow and develop and doing things on their own.  It truly makes me happy.  No, I cried because I realized I have another little girl who never made it to her third birthday.  I cried because I wondered if given the chance Lily would have loved princess movies and dress up clothes as much as her younger sister.  I cried because I wondered if given the chance would Lily and Tatiana have been best friends like me and my sisters.  I cried because I don't have the faith that so many people have, and I constantly have to remind myself that Lily is real and that I will see her again.

Sigh.  I cried for lots of reasons.  Maybe I just need a diet coke.