I woke up in the middle of the night last night and my mind started racing. I can never be too sure where my racing mind will lead me but last night wasn't anything dramatic, just something to think about.
Rick and I are finally almost out of debt, well credit card debt. It's no secret that when we moved to AZ five years ago we were over $50,000, yes that number is correct, in credit card debt. It was mostly because of medical expenses for the kids, but some of it was just dumbness on our part as well. With a whole lot of penny pinching and living in small apartments for five years we are just six weeks away from making our last payment and we are very happy. People have asked how we will celebrate and have used the word "deserve" alot, as in, "You guys deserve a vacation!" I thought about other times Rick and I deserved things, like when we did Make-A-Wish, or when Rick got his new job down here. I started thinking do we really "deserve" these things, and if we "deserve" the good stuff, did we "deserve" the bad stuff too?
After Lily died and we were waiting for a donor for Aren's transplant, I had someone ask, "What did your family ever do to deserve this?" I didn't know. Rick and I grew up LDS, graduated from seminary, I went to Ricks College and Rick went to the University of Utah (maybe that's where we went wrong), we both served missions, married in the temple, even had a child before our first anniversary, so really. What did we do to deserve this? If we deserve the good at the end of the bad, do we also derserve the bad in the middle of the good?
I continued thinking that maybe there just isn't a good enough word in the English language for someone who has been through a lot and finally has time to relax when all is said and done. Just like I've learned that there are words that just don't translate from Bulgarian to English, maybe there isn't a word that translates from English to English.
Maybe Rick and I don't "deserve" to celebrate the paying off of some people's annual salary. Maybe we just get to be happy that we did it on our own without declaring bankruptcy while having another child and only having one car and borrowing money from family to take a trip out east because we didn't have a credit card and...anyone know a word for that?
...only a few more hours to ENTER MY GIVEAWAY...