Decisions

I've decided something over the past few days. It took a few days to come to this conclusion because I like to mull things around in my head, talk them over with Rick and my sisters before deciding how I feel. So here is what I've decided.

I don't care. I have no opinions.

I don't care about politics. I don't care if someone thinks Obama will keep our country from the depths of despair or if he is, as my sister-in-law says, "Obama-geddon". I don't care where my tax dollars go as long as they go somewhere. I have absolutely no clue about politics and quite frankly, I don't want to. I see how involved Rick gets and how upset he can be that he can't share his opinions without someone thinking he's a left-winged, tree hugging, military hating, tolerant (which is now a bad thing), barely hanging on to his temple recommend whack job. I listen to my father-in-law and others talk about people such as Sean Hannity along with Bill O'Reily as if they were some kind of conduit of righteousness being used to usher in the second coming of our Lord and I just don't see it.

It's not that I don't care about anything, I just don't care about being informed and having an opinion. I have friends that are so worried about the state of the world today I wonder how they even function...constantly wondering if the school their children attends is conversative or liberal enough, if they have enough guns to kill the intruders that will certainly be trying to steal their food storage now that the world is coming to an end. I just can't do it.

I worried for two years whether my children would live or die, planned Lily's funeral before we even knew she would die, wondered what I would do with Aren's game cube if he didn't come home from the hospital. I missed so much by what if-ing and wondering and I refuse to do it anymore. Let the world go where it may. Let politics take it's course. It will go and do it's thing whether I watch the evening news or not. For now I'm just going to watch Aren get off that bus and run to me while holding up his hand in the I love you sign and give him a hug. I'm going to wach Tatiana grow up and learn to say thanks and please. I'm going to prepare lessons for 18 month old children that would rather blow bubbles than listen to me. I'm going to hang out with Rick and finish watching the last season of Angel and decide together which show we should waste our time on next.

I'm just going to be. And that's ok.