Thursday, October 23, 2008

Tricks of the Trade

As I revealed in a previous post I'm not the best stay at home mom. Although I am grateful for the opportunity and realize how lucky I am in this day and age to be able to hang out at home all day long, I admit I don't take full advantage of the situation. My house is rarely spotless, I don't take Tania to the park every day, and Aren usually never has homemade treats waiting for him after a long day at school. But there are some things I have learned, and that's how to trick Rick into thinking I do these things all day long. I know he reads this so my pretend dream is now over, but I figure his mom is a way worse housekeeper than I'll ever be so it'll be ok.

So, some tricks for you ladies who are tired and need a day off but feel guilty about it...

1. To make everyone think you have a clean kitchen, even if it's not, pour a little bit of bleach down the sink. The bleachy smell will make everyone think you've been slaving all day and even if it's not perfect, people will think that something they can't see is super clean and therefore compliment you on your hard work. This also works for bathrooms.

2. When someone asks what you did today, list each item individually. Instead of cleaning the house you, "straightened the family room then put some clothes away. Tatiana was being crazy so I tried to calm her down by letting her help fold the laundry which was totally exhausting...". You get the picture.

3. Storebought cookies get as much excitement out of the kids as homemade ones. Plus if you don't have any on hand, you can list going to the store as one of your individual items.

4. Be outside waiting for your husband with the kids when he gets home. This way even if you've only been out there for five minutes, he doesn't know that and he'll think that he owes you some time with the kids and you can go pour bleach down the sink.

5. If you're really desperate, blame everything on the baby. It helps to throw some of the afterschool cookies on the family room floor and rub some crumbs into her face. Also, take her pants off and let her run around in her diaper. Nothing says "I can't take any more of this" like a dirty baby/toddler.

I don't necessarily recommend doing all of these on the same day, unless you're borderline ready to kill your children, then by all means, use these and any more you can think of. Hope this helps!

15 comments:

Rick said...

Wow, Babe. I'm so disillusioned. But here's a tip anyway: Bleach is fine for bathrooms, but for the ultimate "clean kitchen" scent, you should really go for pine oil. Just a thought.

And suddenly I understand the real reason you always want me to take Tania as soon as I walk in the door. Shocking.

Rachel said...

LOL, MB!

Marissa said...

You are such a great teacher! I am totally taking notes here.

Emilie and Branden said...

Dude. Can't we be next door neighbors? Then we can do all those things together.

Katie said...

You are HILarIoUS!

Ninny said...

LOL!!! Love it!

Gramma Betsy said...

What about the old trick of setting the table with the dinner plates as soon as you get breakfast done? That way, hubbie thinks dinner is about to be served, no matter when he comes home!

MaryBeth said...

Very smart! I'm adding that one to my list!

averpen29 said...

I knew we were kindred spirits, but may hat is off to you...I have at least three new tricks to try as soon as EJ comes home from the hospital...

Velda said...

Okay, step 4 made a laugh come out my nose.

Melinda said...

Thanks for the tips!

Laurie said...

Oh how I adore your evil ways.

Tilton Family said...

Yes, as modern women we've had to evolve to more than just stuffing things in closets and under beds.

One of my favorites is lighting some candles for when daddy comes home from work. He'll think it's for a touch of class, but really we're just finding an excuse to dim the lights and hide the clutter.

Love your blog!

kellyclay said...

Ok so I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants when I read this. and then again when I read Rick's Comment!!!!

Liz said...

Can I just say that we're on the same level but have different tricks and I have really not thought of them on conscious levels per se- I'm tacking yours onto my list? You have a total knack of pulling subconsious realities to light- stinking funny!